The truth

I've just found out the truth,
and surprisingly, it does not lie
in the simplest of things

I've just found out,
that loving someone
with everything you have
including your entrails
is not enough

I've just found out that
fear is bigger than love,
that security, stability,
and warmth are facsimiles of it.

I could have never imagined
that saying things straight out,
the way you feel them,
with sincerity and an open heart
could amount to absolutely nothing

Now I now what feeling empty means;
when somebody else looks around,
sees you and says: "you have it all"
but you are totally unable
to achieve happiness

I've just found out
that true love is never true,
but a mere illusion,
a myriad that confuses you,
because earthly things always
come first, and get in the middle
of said feeling

I felt tangible ecstasy,
a ribbon of passion that I could touch,
wrap in, feel comfortable,
and as a feather in the breeze
floated out of my coarse hands

I now know that no matter
how much I cry, and how many
feelings I let out, that will not
change the opinion of others

I thought this was my time
but I've come to the conclusion that
I've been born several months out of cycle,
and that it would have been better if
I'd been born elsewhere,
or 200 years after, for that matter

I've just found out that I cannot
change the feelings of a person
with the things I say, write or sing;
or at least I can change
the feelings of a person, but
not the one I particularly want

I know now that all of those
love songs that I've written
are like cheesy love songs
for intellectuals

After so many years
several countries,
marriage, fatherhood,
graduate school, illness,
and migrations,
I've come to the conclusion
that I'm just the same
nineteen year old kid
who started college,
fell in love, and failed
miserably at most things

I've found the truth.
It doesn't shock me,
but damn, it hurts like hell...